Batman: A Night In The Life
by zooman
Summary: My story is about some funny incidents that occur when Batman and Robin are having one of their famous wall climbs.


BATMAN: A NIGHT IN THE LIFE

GOTHAM CITY-1978-Batman and Robin were eagerly climbing up the side of the forty story skyscraper, using the bat rope, late that cool night in Gotham. Robin was climbing up ahead of Batman as was usual. There was a full moon far to the left of the caped crusaders. The rooftops of all of Gotham were thousands of feet below them. "Golly Batman, but I think the Dozier Apartment Building is mabey the highest building we've ever been up!" Robin shook his head worriedly as he went green gloved hand over hand tightly on the batrope. "I mean Holy Mt Everest!" The man wonder had a tone of unease in his voice. Batman nodded in agreement, as he too gripped the rope as tight as possible in his gloved hands. "Yes, yes indeed," said Batman, as he looked from left to right,"the Dozier is known as the tallest apartment complex in all of Gotham. It reminds me of that time we climbed up the Sears building in Chicago, when we were after the Ripoff Gang. Remember that?" Batman chuckled bitterly. "You got so exhausted I thought you'd fall asleep on the rope before we reached the top!" Robin laughed a little. "Yeah well, the Sears building is a long climb,"Robin said tongue in cheekly, "and it didn't help any when I got a rope burn through my gloves when we later slid down the rope again!" Batman nodded and smiled. "Well you have alot more experience now old chum," the tall, fifty something year old caped crusader reminded his thirty something year old partner. Robin just focused his attention on his climb up the building.

At that moment, a huge fist came through the glass of the window at the left side of Batman and totally smashed to tiny pieces. Batman and Robin both stopped their climb and just stared at the smashed shards of glass in total shock. "WHAT THE HECK!? shouted Batman in surprise. Robin glanced down nervously at the smashed window. "WHAT'S GOING ON!? shouted the man wonder, daunted. "I don't know," answered Batman calmly. Two more massive fists then came through the wall where the window had been, leaving a huge, gaping hole in the side of the building as chunks of plaster and mortar flew everywhere. "LOOK OUT!" Batman shouted to Robin as pieces of the building went in every direction over the heads of the dynamic duo.

There was a massive hole in the side of the tan coloured apartment building, revealing an eight foot tall, massively muscled thirty something year old man with long scraggly brown hair and a beard. He wore ripped and torn black pants, was barefoot, and ripped remains of an orange shirt hung off his upper body. The man had a dirty tough, jowly face and a dim witted look in his eyes. He looked at Batman and pushed his mouth far downwards. "BUTMON?! The man shouted in recognition to the caped crusader holding on tightly to the batrope, standing right beside him on the wall of the building. The room behind the massive muscled neanderthal type man was so dim that neither Batman nor Robin could see anything inside. Batman gazed at the man in horror. He looked like he was really startled. "IT'S OUR OLD ENEMY THE BLOCKBUSTER!" Batman hollared to his younger partner. "HOLY LOU FERRIGNO!" Robin looked with terror at the strange man standing beside them. "LAST TIME WE WENT UP AGAINST HIM, HE WAS USING THE GOTHAM SQUAD CARS AS FRISBEES!" Batman shouted fearfully at Robin, "I HAD TO USE THE BATPLASMANUCLEARCANNON TO FINALLY KNOCK HIM OUT!" "I REMEMBER!" Robin shouted back in recall. The Blockbuster just shook his head at Batman and scratched his head with his right hand, picked his nose with his left hand, and continued to look at the blue and gray garbed crime fighter with a very dim look in his eyes. "BUTMON RAT?" The BlockBuster asked Batman in his broken english. Batman sighed and smiled weakly at the eight foot tall figure who was now leaning out of the hole in the wall. "WHAT'LL WE DO?! Robin asked, loudly and frantically. Robin glanced down nervously at the Blockbuster. "MY GOD! HE ONCE PUSHED THE GOTHAM BANK STRAIGHT INTO THE WAYNE WELFARE OFFICE!" The Blockbuster just stared dimly at Batman. "He doesn't seem to be in a bad mood right now," noted Batman as he studied the giant standing before him. "Butmon, what ya duh hay taynat?" The Blockbuster asked in his very, very deep, powerful gutteral sounding voice. He then dropped his arms to his sides. "Ah...look Blockbuster," Batman spoke very uncomfortably to his old foe, "Robin and I are very busy tonight, so if your not in one of your bad moods..." The Blockbuster growled and lowered his brow as he looked dimly at Batman. "You know the whole tragic story old chum," Batman said to Robin sadly, "he was once a genius scientist Mark Desmond who experimented on himself with some weirdo chemical. He changed. As a side effect he lost his memory of the experiment, but he still regresses in his sleep now and again, and..." Robin shook his head. "Holy Altered States Batman," added Robin cautiously, while glancing down at the window, "what a horrible thing to happen to a man. At least he's not in one of his moods."

Then, the massive, eight foot tall stature of the Blockbuster slowly began decreasing in size, became smaller and smaller and smaller. His hair got shorter. The Blockbuster was then no more and instead was the five eleven stature of scientist Mark Desmond. He was of medium build, with wavy brown and a beard. His high cheekboned face looked rather flushed in the moonlight. Batman and Robin both breathed sighs of relief. His big, blue eyes looked with puzzlement at his surroundings, and his face too on a scared look as he glanced at the city far, far below him as he stood before the gaping hole. "Batman?" Mark Desmond looked with terror at the caped crusader, "what happened?" Batman just smiled at the bewildered scientist. "You've just been sleepwalking Mark. And some weak plaster flew out of the building a few moments ago." Mark Desmond kept looking around himself in terror as he pulled his ripped black pants up. He looked puzzled at Batman. "Goodnight," Batman told him as he and Robin continued their climb up the side of the building.

Mark Desmond looked up for a second and watched the caped crusaders climb up the wall far above him now. Then he turned from the hole and walked unsteadily into his dim apartment. "Boy, oh boy! I'm sure gonna complain to building management tomorrow," the scientist said in frustration to himself quietly, "I mean someone very, very,very,very, VERY SELFISH is responsible for putting a whole apartment building in great danger! SHEEEESH!" Mark slipped a little bit backwards towards the hole. "Whoa," he said.

There was bright moonlight for Batman and Robin to see by, as they kept up their climb up the wall of the Dozier Apartment Building. Upwards and upwards they went.

Then, a small window on the left side of Batman whipped open. A gray haired man and woman in their sixties craned their heads out of the window and gazed right at the blue and gray garbed crimefighter hanging onto his batrope near his window. The sixty something year old woman had gray curly hair, and wore a black and white checkered dress, while the man wore a green military outfit. The insignias on his uniform revealed the sixty plus year old, short gray haired man to be a five star general. The green cap on his head slung down close to his eyes. His wrinkled complexion took on a hard, determined look as he studied the caped crusaders standing on the wall before him. Batman and Robin stopped their climb again, and Batman looked with surprise at the elderly general standing at the window. Batman's face glowed with warm recognition. "Well, I'll be, Batman and Robin!" The sixty plus year old general exclaimed with surprise. The woman next to him opened her mouth in wonderment as she looked Batman up and down with her eyes. A look of geniune surprise on her face. "Wow!" shouted Batman in surprised recognition, "General Rock!" "Who!?" Robin asked, while shaking his head. "General Rock," repeated Batman as he looked at the man leaning out of the window, then up at Robin, "he's an old friend of mine. We met when I was on a case in Japan years ago." General Rock broke into a wide grin. "Batman himself! I'll be!" Robin suddenly looked down sharply at the aged military man. "HOLY SIXTY MINUTES!" Robin's shout had a tone of recognition now. "NOT THE ROCK!? THE ONE WHO STOPPED A WHOLE PLATOON OF NAZIS ON THE RUSSIAN FRONT IN 45, WITH ONLY HIMSELF DRIVING THE PANZER!?" General Rock and the woman beside him both laughed whole heartedly. "The same man wonder," General Rock affirmed as he put his arm around his wife, his wrinkled face grinning widely in the moonlight. "Yup. I stopped fifty of those krauts that day! Stopped them before they could reach their reinforcements in the town of Zahltverkauft" "Yes, indeed old chum," Batman shot a look up at Robin, "if the german platoon had reached Zahltverkauft, they would have been strong enough to fight off the russian army." General Rock beamed with pride. "And it was only me driving that panzer," the grizzled general reminded the bright knight, bragging. "And it's also true, that war story about Rock,who was a Sgt then, and Sgt. Kilroy sneaking into Hitler's secret headquarters in Berlin, and stealing the plans for invading England!" The woman told the story grinning with immense pride. "My dear wife," said Rock as he pulled her closer to himself. "Rock saved England from being invaded by the germans!" Rock nodded and folded his hands over the window sill.

Rock accidentally pushed a large, brown empty flower pot situated on the sill, right off the sill where it dropped to the street below. There were the shouts of shocked people from far far below. Rock just smiled. "SORRY!" Rock called down. His wife looked down at the street in shock.

"THAT STORY WAS TRUE!?" Robin shouted with proud excitement,a s he looked down at the grizzled war veteran , leaning on the window a little ways below him, "IS IT TRUE GENERAL THAT YOU AND THAT SGT. KILROY MACHINE GUNNED DOWN ALL OF HITLER'S PERSONAL GUARDS WHO WERE COMING AT YOU!" Robin was grinning broadly from ear to ear as he tightened his grip on the batrope. Rock and his wife both laughed and shook their heads. "All true man wonder,"replied Rock, as he saluted the two crimefighters, putting his left hand on the front of his cap. Batman and Robin quickly took their right hands off their batrope and saluted General Rock in return. Rock's wife moved switfly away from the window and into their apartment, and out of view. A second later the patriotic tune of OH SAY CAN YOU SEE, began playing from a record from somewhere's in the apartment. Rock's wife hurriedly returned to her husband's side. Her gorgeous, wrinkled face took on a very silly grin. "Rock loves to tell the story of the time he tried that assassination attempt on Hitler, by posing as a nazi and sneaking into the Berghof." Batman and Robin both looked at each other in awe. "I almost got the bastard that time," beamed Rock as his eyes took on the look of a mind thinking back, "I tossed the grenade into Hitler's bedroom, and somehow the explosion missed him...I had to quickly get out of there before all of his armed guards showed up." "I read all about it in history class," interjected Robin with enthusiasm. "Wow," said Batman quietly. "There was the Fuhrer himself running out of his destroyed bedroom in his brown bathrobe covered with nazi swastikas, shouting: "Stopp ihn! Stopp ihn!" Rock and his wife were both laughing now. "But I was out of there as fast I could! The germans should all, everyone of them, no survivors, been blown to kingdom come." Batman and Robin both frowned and looked sternly at the grizzled war veteran. "All of them! Get rod of all the germans!" Batman shook his head wearily and in a way indicating disapproval. "Rock...uh...well, you can't say that about all the germans now c'mon," Batman told him seriously, "I mean the nazis, the really evil ones, were still pretty much a minority of the german people." "That's right," joined in Robin, "you can't really mean all the germans?" Rock and his wife both frowned and looked quickly at each other then back at Batman and Robin. "Sure he does," said his wife. "Sure I can," said Rock narrowing his eyes at Batman, his face becoming more and more grim, "I mean bomb all the germans! All of them are bad!" Batman and Robin just stared in puzzlement at Rock for a second. "Rock, the nazis came and went!" reminded Batman, "there are tons of german people out there who are good german people! Who never worshipped Hitler or the nazi party now c'mon." Batman chuckled a little. Rock and his wife just stared at the caped crusaders for a second looking even more serious then ever. "All germans are bad! All of them!" Rock puckered up his lips, "they all wanted World war 2 and they all were nazis!" "Yeah," said Rock's wife. Robin took a deep breath, and frowned deeply. Batman glared very sharply at Rock. "Were you shell shocked in the war?" Batman asked the war hero sarcastically, "did a grenade go off to close to your brain?" "More likely did you put something up your nose?" asked Robin, as he looked up then looked sharply at Rock. "ALL GERMANS SHOULD BE BOMBED! THEY'RE ALL BAD PEOPLE!" shouted Rock in frustration as he slowly banged his fists down on the window sill. he frowned even more deeply at Batman. His wife frowned deeply also, and joined her husband in glaring at Batman. "ALL GERMANS WERE NAZIS," said his wife in anger. "Not just the germans who were responsible for world war 2, the japs played their part also," implored the angered general in a wise acrey tone of voice, "heck there must have been mabey ten jap traitors-secret agents-who betrayed Pearl Harbour to the oncoming forces." Rock was scowling now. Batman scowled back at him. Robin looked down at scowled at Rock.

In the background, the tune of OH SAY CAN YOU SEE, slowly faded off the playing record, and the next sounds coming from the spinning phonograph was Rock's voice giving a speech at the Pentagon. His speech had something to do arming the United states for the next german attack. "GOOD MORNING PENTAGON STAFF MEMBERS, I BEGIN MY SPEECH BY SAYING THAT WE MUST ALWAYS BE ON OUR TOES, IF THE EVIL RACE OF KRAUTS EVER TRY TO INVADE EUROPE AGAIN!" Rock's loud voice could be heard booming from the record in the background in the apartment. Batman and Robin both shook their heads and glared at Rock and his wife. "WHY DID THE KRAUT CROSS THE ROAD? HE WANTED TO GET TO JOE'S DRY CLEANERS TO PICK UP HIS NAZI UNIFO..." "YOU RACIST, SELF CENTERED JERK!" shouted Batman in disgust at the general, "HOW CAN YOU CALL EVERY GERMAN A NAZI LIKE THAT!?" Batman took his left blue gloved hand off the batrope and pointed it at Rock. Rock and his wife clenched their fists on the window sill and kept scowling right at Batman. "IS GENERAL MACARTHUR IN ATTENDANCE TODAY?" Rock's loud voice boomed off the recorded speech coming from inside the apartment, from the playing phonograph. Rock just shook his capped head at Batman very slowly while scowling and clenching his fists. "The nazis shouldn't have even been tried at Nuremburg they should have just been gunned down in the street," said Rock. "Well, every man deserves a fair trial, " replied Batman. "I suppose next, you'll be saying that Hitler's punishment should have just been six monthes community service," joked Rock. "Robin, let's go," Batman ordered his partner as they both began their walk up the side of the immense apartment building yet again, away from the window that General Rock and his wife were leaning out of and glaring in rage now, up at the caped crusaders. "HITLER HAD ONLY GOT ONE BALL, GOERING, HAD TWO BUT VERY SMALL, HIMMLER WAS VERY SIMILAIR, BUT HAD NO BALLS AT ALL!" Rock's recorded Pentagon speech continued to boom from the phonograph, from somewhere's in the apartment. "EASY COMPANY ONCE TOOK ON A NAZI FORTRESS..."

EPILOGUE-Batman and Robin continued their steady, brisk climb up the side of the building, by clinging on even more tightly to their batrope. The moonlight was brighter than ever. All the rooftops of Gotham City was far below them. Batman allowed a quick glance down then looked back up as he and Robin kept up their climb up the side of the Dozier Apartment Building. "Well we know that the Mad Hatter and his gang are hiding out somewhere's on the very top floor, "Batman reminded Robin as they just kept moving, "so all we have to do is sneak in through the window when we get there and wait for him, or battle it out with him right on the spot."

The window at the left side of Batman flashed open. The famed singer Barbra Streisand leaned out of the window. Her long blonde hair flowed down to her shoulders onto her green and white spotted sweater. She looked with awe at Batman moving past her window. neither of the caped crusaders paid her any attention. "Hey! It's Batman himself!" she shouted in glee. "What are you..." "Not now miss, we're busy," interrupted Batman as he kept focused on the rooftop way ahead of him. He and Robin walked way past the singer's window and far ahead of her. "Probably the cleaning lady or something," said Batman as he and Robin just stared upwards.


End file.
